"It's Not Bad"

One of the first and most important things I learned early on in my relationship with my wife is the important distinction between “good,” and “not bad,” when describing something.

To the best of my memory, my wife had cooked dinner for me, and when she asked how it was, I said, “It wasn’t bad.” At that point, I received a long and very adamant recitation on the big difference between the two sayings. She explained precisely and pointedly that describing something as “not bad” does not have the same weight or meaning as describing it as “good.” She continued by explaining that if something is good, then you need to say, “It is good.” I can’t tell you how many times throughout the years I have received that same speech when I’ve fallen back into bad habits. Although, truth be known, I occasionally say something “wasn’t bad,” just to get her fired up.

I will be honest; this has been a hard habit to break, as almost everyone I grew up around used this same phraseology. It was only after these lectures from my wife that I saw the difference between them. And, while to some it may seem like just a different way of saying the same thing, it really isn’t. Thinking about this difference really helps to articulate the distinction between being someone who sees things from an optimistic point of view as opposed to a more pessimistic view.

You see, I found that I used the saying that something “wasn’t bad” to describe more than food. For example, I found that I often applied the same type of description to how my day was going or how I felt about something. Often, my day or life would be going well, but when I was asked about it, I would say it was “not bad.” As I tried to change for purposes of keeping peace in my family, I realized that what I had been doing was really a pessimistic way of describing how things were going instead of just saying, “Things are going good.”

The real irony and importance of this distinction have slowly become apparent, as over the past few years I have really tried to become a more optimistic, and hopeful person, and I found as I worked on changing the way I describe things that when I was in a good mood, I would say, “Things are going good,” and when I was feeling a little discouraged, stressed, or blue, I would fall back to my old ways, and say that things are “not bad,” even when, in fact, things were actually going well. I further found that even after I was beyond these lower times, I would remain in my old habit until I consciously forced myself to respond in a more optimistic, and frankly, truthful, manner.

The strange thing is, that once I force myself to say that things are “good,” it seems to lead me to view other things around me in a more optimistic manner. Exponentially, these various aspects come together so that it is not just one part of your life that you are seeing more optimistically, but instead, it flows over into other parts as well.

Now, please don’t get me wrong; I clearly believe in being a realist, and there are times when your day, week, or even month, just for a lack of a better word, sucks. When life sucks, it seems dishonest to put on a smile and try to convince yourself that all is well. So, in these times, without trying to cry on my fellow man’s shoulder, I may respond to questions about how things are going with, “The last day or so has really just sucked,” or something to that effect. The thing that I try to remember, though, is that no matter who you are or how great your life is, there are going to be peaks and valleys, and that is just part of life. To use a well-worn phrase, “This too shall pass.”

Ultimately, the lesson is that words matter. There is an optimistic and hopeful way to describe your life, and when you use these words, you will acknowledge and see the good things that are happening. That said, be sure to also acknowledge the bad times, because it is only by acknowledging the bad times that you can truly appreciate the good times.