Don't Fake It; Just Admit You Don't Know

I am going to pass on some of the best advice to date: When you don’t know the answer to a question, or when you don’t know something about a subject, just admit it.

As a young person, I was always nervous about being asked a question to which I didn’t know the answer. This was reinforced by family and friends, as they always emphasized the need to be careful in answering questions or speaking, lest one be made to look like a fool.

Later, when I decided to go to law school, I made the crazy and unfounded assumption that, in law school, I would learn the answers to most things. I remember watching a lot of episodes of Perry Mason and other old legal shows where attorneys seemed to have the answers to any question.  As crazy as it sounds, I just assumed that at some point I would, too.

As a young attorney, I used to freak out before meeting with a client because I was scared of being asked a question to which I may not have an immediate answer. While I had given up on the pretense of having all the answers to all questions, I was still under the false impression that attorneys were supposed to know everything related to the law.

For a couple of years, I really struggled with this gnawing worry. Then, one day, an older attorney told me, when asked a question to which I didn’t know the answer, just ponder a while and then say, “Very interesting question. I will need to think about that for a while.”

I tried out the older attorney’s suggestion, but it didn’t fit very well with my personality. However, one afternoon, I had a client meeting toward the end of a long day, and I was asked a question I didn’t know the answer to. Not having the mental patience with myself to fake it, I said, “I don’t know the answer to that question.” I actually found this admission extremely liberating!

As I have matured, I have realized some things about knowledge. First, no one mortal has the answers to all questions. Second, it’s really important to be comfortable and true to yourself.

You see, while trying to bluff your way through a conversation may not necessarily be considered lying, it is certainly not an example of being true to yourself. It is instead an attempt to paint a false image for yourself and others about who you are.

I have also realized that it is really quite easy to see through someone who either thinks they have the answer or is faking it. Recently I had a conversation with a guy who carried on for over 10 minutes about all the things he knew absolutely nothing about. I thought of all the time and energy this man wasted, only to prove what I already knew—that he knew nothing. He would have come across as so much more intelligent (and frankly, honest) if he had just admitted his ignorance in this field. There is no doubt that in the long run, this guy did much more harm to his reputation than he could ever imagine.

When you try to fake it, you are always worried that you are going to get tripped up in a lie or misrepresentation. But, if you admit you don’t know, then there is nothing to trip on. Not only that, but maybe more importantly, I learned that you are being honest with yourself when you admit you don’t have all of the answers. You can unconfidently fake your way through an answer, or you can confidently admit you don’t know the answer. Confidence will take you further every time.

While it seems counterintuitive to openly divulge one’s ignorance, and while it may take some time to accept and practice, that kind of honesty is highly valuable.